should i marry you?

Before you get married

Questions to ask before marriage.

Ten topics decide how well a shared life works. For each one you find here why it matters and six questions to ask each other tonight. The test then shows you where you really stand.

  1. 01Commitment and vision of marriageTwo people can both want to get married and still mean different things by it. For one, marriage is a promise for life. For the other, it is a promise for as long as it is good.
  2. 02Communication and appreciationHow a couple talks on an ordinary Tuesday says more about their future than how they talk on holiday. Feeling heard and feeling appreciated are among the clearest signs of a relationship that is doing well.
  3. 03Conflict and repairArguing is no sign of a bad relationship. What matters is how you argue and whether you find your way back to each other afterwards.
  4. 04MoneyMoney is one of the most common reasons couples fight, and one of the least discussed before the wedding. Few people know what their partner earns, owes and fears.
  5. 05Children and parentingWhether to have children is one of the few questions where no compromise exists. You cannot have half a child. It deserves a clear answer before you marry, not a hopeful assumption.
  6. 06Intimacy and affectionBeing satisfied with your intimate life is closely tied to being satisfied with your relationship. Yet it is the subject couples find hardest to put into words.
  7. 07Roles, career and householdWho cooks, who cleans, who earns, who gives up what for whom: most couples never decide this. It just happens, and one of them ends up unhappy with how it happened.
  8. 08Family, friends and boundariesYou marry one person, and a whole family comes along. How much room parents, siblings and friends get in your life is something couples see very differently.
  9. 09Values, faith and worldviewYou do not have to believe the same things to be happy together. You do have to know what the other believes, and what part it should play in your shared life.
  10. 10Everyday lifeA marriage is mostly everyday life: where you live, how you spend your evenings, how tidy the kitchen is, how much time each of you needs alone.